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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Pain....


Pain is the acutely unpleasant discomfort experienced by somebody. It can be really annoying and cause many problems to us and the people that surrounds us. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Generally it’s a physical injury or illness. Then there is the other more complicated ways experiencing pain. Like when someone leaves you. Like when you miss someone too much. Or your just simply worried as a result you become the reason for your pain.

I guess what we all wonder is, how do you really deal with it all. You could clean an open wound with some antibiotics and patch it up with some band aid. But its more than obvious this is not the pain I am going on about. So to be honest I don’t have a prescription to that pain I am talking about. But in time I have come up with some sweet little remedies…ok they aren’t all sweet.

For all you wondering out their I got three words for you. “DEAL WITH IT”. Sounds pretty rude and insensitive right. But trust me once you start doing that it works pretty well. The only thing you need to figure out is how do you actually deal with it. If you’re a tough cookie you can just ignore it all and be done with it. Unfortunately that’s not the case. When people need to be the bigger man and just get by they fail to do so. Well its probably ok right. C’mon even the toughest cookies get to cry and have bad days. So my answer would be either you clinch on to dear life n fight through it. Or find the comfort of a friend.. Either way at some point you need to pull though all of it on your own.

Dealing with it can be a real test. Worst of all that strange feeling of fear can really complicated things. But if your able get through it even once. Then it means you truly know your own self. My advice would be to learn how to get through. One day after another. And slowly ask yourself on how to make things better. Then do what ever it takes. At the end of the day you can lie on the bed, think about it a bit and just go to sleep. No use beating yourself about it. Remember you cant change it no matter how much you think about. All you can hope and work for is a better future..Till then let time do the rest and mend to our wounded hearts while the muted chimes find the beat to your joyful life….

Sunday, December 21, 2008

What i become!!!!


Yes. I have finally reached the point of no return. The point where I have become everything I feared. Some where along the way, I have started hurting the ones I truly cared about. And that kills me inside. Though I bet its hard to believe by you anymore.

For the ones that know me, they know how much I have screwed up in my life. But perhaps I have never in my life done a more stupid, reckless and un-honorable thing. That’s tempering with a fragile already hurting heart. And I don’t think I can live with it. I seriously don’t.

All she wanted was to dream bigger. Live harder. Love deeper. Is that so much to ask??? At first I thought I could help her in all that. But I was wrong. Little did I know as much as I was the cure, I was also a disease. A pest around her that had high chances of being her down fall.

She might forgive me for all the crap I done. But its certain she won’t ever forget them. And that whole I left will be there for as long as we remember. So with whatever dignity I have left. I will try hard to let the lights guide her to the happiness she can barely remember. And I will try to fix that void in her. Its time I stop being who I become, and start being the man they all think I am….

P.S. To whom it may concern!!!Bullshit :p we both know who's this for.....

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

This girl changed me...And i didnt even know it

You meet random people everyday. Among these people some turn out to be friends. And others “jus people you know”. Usually the people I come to know as a “friend” has some what an impact on my life. I wouldn’t say it’s a huge impact. But still a tiny impact I suppose. Any how I was used to way in which the influence of others didn’t have much impact on my life. Guess you could say I had a “don’t care attitude” and in time I had learned to jus “roll with it”.

Little did I know that this was about to change. DRASTICALLY. It all started in a not so serious way when I met this girl. At first it was most about trying to figure each other out to see who was who. It was as if the battle of the sexes were in full motion. Though we did drift apart after a few conversations. But not after concluding that she is a “SPOLIED LITTLE BRAT” and I was just a playing “WIRED” guy.

Weeks had then passed. But on one faith full morning I realized that some one had messaged me. I was surprised to know that it was her. And at that moment was really the first time we had a meaningful conversation. It was on the 4th of April that she truly became a good friend.

With each passing day she grew closer to me as I did to her. Suddenly everything I did some how involved her. Not only that she had begun to influence me in ways that I thought was unimaginable. She was making me want things that I knew I couldn’t have, at least not at this moment and time. In a way, I had become dependent of her. Too dependent actually. I needed her as much as she needed me. Truth is… This girl had changed me.. And I didn’t even know it!!!!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Leap

In life as u begin to grow old and mature. You start to think that you know all the answers. How things work. How the world work. But its often when this belief can change over a few minutes. The simplest of words or expression is the difference between you being confident and you questioning yourself and everything else you used to believe in.

They say you don’t realize the significant things in your life unless its really gone or taken away from you. That why I feel that its important you identify life’s great opportunities and make the most of it. But I too am a human. And as much as I hate to say it. At times even I over look the important things in my life. For those who really know me, they know that I have thrown away good opportunities and chances to make my life great. Worst of all somewhere along the way, I end up hurting the ones I cared about. I too have an excuse for doing what I do. I guess mine is that I am not much of a big fan of taking risks. In addition to that I am also a guy that doesn’t like trying new things.

That being said no matter who you are, their comes a time when each and every single human being must rise above themselves to face their fears and conquer it. Because then only you will be able to keep you from holding yourself back.

Next time when you say your life sucks. And you would gladly trade places with someone else. Just keep in mind that everyone has their share of hard times. Most people are either not good at showing it or does an excellent job of hiding it. Same applies for me as well. Everyday I wake up. Get myself out of bed and put on a uniform of bad choices, mistakes, regret.

The thing I am trying to outline in this whole thing is this. For most of my life I have hid myself and kept things to myself. But lately once, jus once I have taken a risk, said what I must, in the process admitting details of my life to myself. I must say. Forgetting of all the plans you make up in your head and just doing it doesn’t feel that awful as I thought it would. It may not turn out good as you want it to. But still now I know more than ever that making a mistake sure beats the hell out of not even trying.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Wishful Thinking


I been thinking over and over about what I should write on this blog of mine. And as usual nothing came to mind. That’s when I realized you cant really write about whatever thing you want. You have to write about what you know. What your really good at it. You believing this so far huh??? Ok hell with it. I didn’t figure out that we should probably write about what we know and all. It was suggested to me by a movie I was watching. May be you some of you has seen it!

Surely all of us has dreams right? Wishful thinking about the things we want. Things we crave for. It could be anything. Ranging from wanting to grow up and be an actor, a musician, a soccer player, a successful business men. As far as I am concerned even batman. C’mon you cant expect me to believe that any of you hadn’t dreamt about being a superhero. Overall I say each and everyone dreams of wanting to be a STAR. A star that shines significantly where ever they stand.

As mentioned before these are just wishful thinking. Things you keep dearly to your heart and whisper quietly to the winds in the hopes that someday it comes true though you know some of them never will. Nonetheless what ever you dream about. No one can take it away from you, as it truly belongs to you and you only.

The question that we have to ask ourselves is that how far do we let these wishful thinking influence our lives. Do we think about it one moment and then just forget about the other. Or do we continuously remind ourselves about in order to motivate ourselves in the things that we do. As for me I do both. I have had these dreams since I could barely remember and still use it to motivate myself when ever I am doing something. On the other hand, one moment I could be lost in this dream of mine. And just like that I would totally ignore it and put my foot back on reality. Some people might even call this “fantasies.” Well call it what you like!

Now picture this. Its late at night. Your all alone in your room with pin drop silence, you can almost here the clock going “tic tock tic tock.” You find your self staring at practically nothing. You slowly start thinking. Might be about a lot of things. Or even a single matter. But in that flash of a moment. You probably have thought about something which makes you feel that you been thinking about for ages.

Up to now I might have written about gibberish and insignificant things. So let me write about the things that I do know. Remember when your just a kid. You have big plans. Big big plans. You feel invincible . You feel like your on top of the world and that there is nothing you cant do. You have hopes and dreams for the future. Such as being at the top of your class. Having the perfect sports car. Finding your perfect match. But as we grow older. We come to realize that its easier said than done. Its not at that point you just realize that all the plans we have made are just plans and nothing more. In that moment your laying on your bed looking back rather than forward. You want to keep on believing that you made the most of the opportunities that were given to you. You want to believe that you have already left a mark on things that you have already done up to this point. And after a few minutes being almost still as if time it self has frozen. You once again come back to what we call the “gift.”