The story of a failure

Once upon a time there lived a guy. Being curious was among the bad habits he had. Always thinking bigger than his age. He had dreams.. Big big dreams. And was desperately seeking greatness. Pffft… Obviously something a mere normal person is incapable of achieving. Perhaps it was the fact that every time he took one step forward, then he would take two steps back. So don’t be misled about the “Once upon a time” line. This is not one of those classic fairy tales. And certainly not a tale with a very happy ending.

So here is all that went down.. Without the little details every one forgets as time goes by. The guy was living a lie. To think he would do great things is a joke. He was stupid enough to fight his miserable fate. In the end got beat up like a rabid dog. Whilst everyone else moved on with there lives… See didn’t I tell you.. This story doesn’t have a happy ending.. No.. Not even close….

Living on a prayer

Its been a long time since I done this. A very long time. Looking back on what I said and thought. Well.. Lets just say if someone told me that this is how things would turn out. We will be having an argument that would probably never end.
Let me skip through time. She got back. And I was more than shocked to see her phone call. Putting it simple, we talked and surprisingly she wanted to hang out with me. Even after all that happened. . I had no idea about what I was getting myself into… etc etc etc.. One thing led to another and before I knew it. I was having the time of my life with her. Sure they were difficult times. But every second I spent with her was a dream come true. All those year’s I been going on about how I crave for perfection. It took me some hard hits on the head to realize that ‘PERFECTION’ was right in front me. And I would be a coward to let her go.
Three months ago I was hoping, wishing and praying to be with her. Though I must say I admitted it a bit late. Better late than never right??? It took plenty of hard decisions on both of our sides. But eventually we managed to get through it. Most of you would say that from now on their be smooth sailing. But I beg to differ. At least in my case I do. They say getting to the top is hard. But staying there is a tougher challenge. Which is what I am going to be facing now. I cannot afford to let her slip by my fingers again. She means too much to me. And I would be a fool to let my ignorance and arrogance drive her away..AGAIN…
So this is to you my COW… I am insanely in love with you. And I am trying my best to make you feel happy and wanted. And I know I will fall short of my intention sometimes. I hope to god you would bare with me.
I am not a perfect man.. It’s not like I have all the answers. Someone once told me that it’s ok to get lost in the darkness. It can be scary and roofed with unknown paths. But I am not afraid of getting lost in the darkness with you. Because it’s only in the dark night that you see the stars. And the stars will bring us back home…

P.S It’s a story of you and me
you miss i
love you
xoxo

A nostalgic journey....

In the eve of spring I found myself sitting around in the park. Innocent kids were playing around and looked as though they were having the time of their lives. The whole place had a strange feeling in the atmosphere. A feeling of happiness and belonging. But I could not resist the feeling of jealousy and hate. Those kids were playing around and enjoying themselves without a sense of how the real world feels like. What do they know about the real world anyway? They have had been concealed and shielded in their own perfect world without even the having a reflection for the others out there. As those self-centered thoughts ran through my mind I made my way out of the not wanting to look at others being happy.

Slowly gray clouds had filled the skies and small drops of rain had started falling from the sky. As I made marched my way through the ‘Moscow’ rain I began to have an all too familiar feeling of nostalgia. The very streets I was walking on reminded me of how badly I screwed up. The streets were empty and I had nothing bad my own mistakes staring back at me. Somewhere along the way I had somehow lost my way. But not knowing the reason I lost my way was a greater tragedy. My belief for ‘fending for yourself’ had gotten the best of me. As my arms and legs grew stronger my heart had caved in. I no longer had friends. No purpose. No reason to go back home. No one to point at and say ‘hey you’.

Nothing but regret rained down on me as I made my way. The walls had already come down on me. They say there are lots of ways to change and make a life. All at once. Or one day at a time. It seems that I had failed miserably at both.

The shift in power's....

Its final. The deal is done and its all over the media. The golden boy is off to Spain for a record breaking 80 million pound transfer fee. Its not like it was a big surprise. Real Madrid has always been known to attract big named players. Bt the fact is at this moment in time Madrid is not even at a close level to man united is.. Its suicidal to leave. There is no arguing the fact that Madrid once was in a league of its own. But times have changed.. They are no longer the feared giants despite of all their wealth. Madrid is not what it was a decade ago.

On the other hand clubs like man united has grown stronger. As others grew weaker. They have successfully established themselves as a force to be reckoned with. The club has reached feet’s that no one imagined. Opponents are left to just stand and wonder in “AAWW” when working down the tunnels of the theatre of dreams. They legion of fans for the team and manager is unequal.
Throughout history this team has had a black knight that gives them that edge over the others. Who ever wears the number 7 jersey turns out to be their lucky talisman. George best to Bryan Robson. David Beckham regenerated as Ronaldo.

Several reasons may have led to his departure. Ronaldo has won every silver wear there is to win with Man united. He has nothing else in England for him. Or perhaps its because of the fact that he wants to join and lead the revival of another giant. What player wouldn’t want that glory. The thought would have surely crossed his mind. Real Madrid’s newly appointed president has already set his master plan in motion. This is the same person who was capable of putting the “Galacticos” together. And his mind is now set in introducing even a better team. To do that he has recruited Kaka himself. The question is will it work. Will this be another fairy tale. Or will it all fall down and crumble. It’s suicidal to put two Aces in one team. Usually ending in the demise of the players career and rarely works.

People can go on say that Man united doesn’t need Ronaldo. But the fact is no time in history can this be put in an easy context. When was the last time anyone said ‘hey..we let the best player in the world go..and it made us stronger..’ It’s simply preposterous….

It's what you do to me

Its that time of the day again. I take one more good look at the mirror. I turn side ways and check whether I am decently dressed. And see whether my hair style is noticeable enough. As I am in the car on my way to school I cant help but think how things would turn out today. Once I reach my school I get out of the car and start walking to my class trying to look as cool as I possibly can. And more than once I tend to make a fool of myself in doing so too. From a distance I try to see inside the class whether she’s already in. I continue walking towards my class. Slow down once again near a tree just in front of my class. Then again I start heading towards my class. Just as I am about to enter I take one deep breath. At that moment I would normally be looking at nothing but the grey floor. Once I enter the class I take a little glimpse of her. If she’s not looking back I tend to stare at her. The days she does look at me I cant help but turn away and pretend to be looking at something else at the same time trying to maintain my so called coolness.

I put my bag down and sit on the desk till my teacher shows. As I am sitting on the desk I would normally be facing her. By then I would have calmed myself down a bit. She would either be talking with her boyfriend or sitting quietly. I look at her every now and then when she’s distracted by the surroundings. Oh the beauty I see is hard to describe. A little fringe like part of her dark black hair would be falling on her ever so white face. The little crystal clear eyes wont blink that much. Instead it would be staring outside. I cant even imagine what she might be thinking of. I then see whether she’s wearing her silver necklace. It looks so good on her. After that I would check whether she’s wearing her ring. She rarely wears the same ring in repetition. They are all unique in its own way. But one thing similar about all of it is that all of her rings are silver. It won’t take long for my teacher to arrive. Once she steps in I finally snap out of it. I continue with my work the rest of the day. But its often I be distracted. It is hard to ignore her as she sits close to me. I tend to zone out as some would say while I am trying to listen to her talk with her boyfriend.

I spent the free time I get in between classes to think of a way to approach her. I run countless plans inside my head everyday. But all of it has one significant conclusion. What would she think? Would she think I am wired? Would she ignore me? Etc etc…As I go on about this and that, then comes the break time. I think to myself..Oh great..Now the real torture starts. It’s usually the time of the day where she would go all cute with her boyfriend. They would talk, laugh and have one of those moments every now and then. Her face looks so beautiful as it lightens every time her boyfriend says something It’s actually a wonderful thing to see. Two people who are really compatible having the time of their lives. They go so nice together that I feel so guilty of even considering of hitting on her. And with that guilt I normally work out of the classroom as it comes near the point where it is unbearable to stay and watch all this happen. It’s either that or I just try to distract myself though the thought of her is always in the back of my mind.

Any how after it all the session would come to an end. I stand up with my bag all packed and ready to head home. I look at her once more and walk away in the hopes of seeing her again.

The another day of hardship comes to an end. Its normally at the stroke of mid night I go to bed. Everyone in the house will be asleep. Its pin drop silence in my room. I hide under my blanket and try to get a goodnight sleep. But all my efforts fails in vain. I am haunted of my past. I know it’s not worth dwelling over and it doesn’t do me any good. In spite of realizing that I still cant help it. I am human after all. Mistakes, mistakes and more mistakes is what I am reminded of. All my fantasies over this girl starts feel like a lost cause as I believe that I don’t deserve someone that pure like her. Not if I hadn’t undone all my wrong. At which point I am desperate for some sort of sign to tell me that their really is light at the end of the tunnel. Too many thoughts come into my mind all at once. It feels like there is no end to this cruel nightmare. Nonetheless desire is desire. Nothing can wash it away. The sun nor the tide can wash it away…In my heart it’s you who I want. With this thought I would unknowingly fall asleep in the hopes of having a better tomorrow.

Change...

Change is a funny thing. You either adapt or get left behind while it takes off with whom or what ever that is willing to go by with it. Most of the time it doesn’t matter whether it is for better or for worse. Well who are we to decide right? It is often that in most cases people are resistant to change. Afraid to let go off some beliefs. Scared to let go off the old ways. At least I know I am one of those people. May be it is because we are so much concerned about what others might think or say. Though we try to ignore those thoughts. It always seems to get the best of us. As a result at the end of the day, when we are right about to go to sleep we are consumed and haunted by the thoughts that we gave in. That we are still the same old people we once were. The same old coward. The same old cry baby. The same old gutless person. We need a solution for this whole virus. Which is why I like to remind you of a quote from one of the most famous characters that influences this world. First of all let me say I am surprised the dude had what it took to say it. Yes. It is a quote from the Indian dude himself. “You must be the change you want to see in the world”. I am still not quiet sure what he meant. So I suppose we can derive any meaning we want from it. So I assume it goes like, it is not about adapting to change. It is more about making most of the change…

Uncertainty

In life nothing is certain. Except for a handful of few things. First of all your going to pay taxes and it’s certain that your going to die. No matter how hard you try. No matter how good your intentions are…Your going to make mistakes. You will certainly hurt people. And you are going to get hurt. And to recover from all that there is really only two things you can say. It’s either I forgive you or that I am sorry.

At first you think all that can be avoided, other than the ‘paying taxes’ and ‘ending up dead’ part. You think all your very well planned ethics will prevail over your bad judgment. But at point ‘life’ catches up with you. It’s going to dominate you until you choke and make that one single bad choice. Well after that…It’s all downhill..Well that’s if your not brave enough to strangle ‘life’ it self and break down..Notice that I didn’t mention anything about ‘luck’. That’s because ‘luck’ is an ass. What kind of a person would wait around for ‘luck’ to come and magically sort everything out. For crying out loud that’s why I say make your own ‘luck’ people. Be brave…Stay strong. Chase after ‘luck’ until you catch up with it. Then grab it with all your might.

Any how, when some one might had left you laying on the ground or when you made all the wrong choices you can either say I forgive you or that I am sorry and get on with life. ‘Forgive and forget’. I am sure you have heard that phrase that some all inspiring person came up with. Well…some of us may find it in our hearts to forgive some one… But we can only hope that some day we will forget….

Too Much....

It’s a new year. A chance for people to start over. To turn over a new leaf and make good of past mistakes. Let all the regret go start with a new beginning. Guess that’s the reason people set new year’s resolution, to remind themselves about their objectives and goals…To stay on the right path. More importantly to walk on an easy path…In doing so hoping to make the current year more successful and prosperous than the one before. But often this is not the case.

Somewhere along the way we all tend to forget on what we had set our minds on. Slowly we stray away from whatever that truly matters to us. As a result we get ourselves in trouble. While by some miracle a handful of us are lucky enough to see the light. The other not so lucky ones... well they end up broken down to bits . Before you know it, your down on your knees begging and pleading for too much out of life.

The truth is at one point or another we all ask for too much. As we end up in doing so we forget to realize that too much of anything isn’t really a good thing. But how do we know how much is too much.. Too much good.. Too much care.. Too much information.. Too much fun.. Too much love.. Too much to ask.. And when is it too much to BARE!!!! So let’s all of us stick to our new year’s resolutions throughout the year and appreciate the little good things in life :)