A nostalgic journey....

In the eve of spring I found myself sitting around in the park. Innocent kids were playing around and looked as though they were having the time of their lives. The whole place had a strange feeling in the atmosphere. A feeling of happiness and belonging. But I could not resist the feeling of jealousy and hate. Those kids were playing around and enjoying themselves without a sense of how the real world feels like. What do they know about the real world anyway? They have had been concealed and shielded in their own perfect world without even the having a reflection for the others out there. As those self-centered thoughts ran through my mind I made my way out of the not wanting to look at others being happy.

Slowly gray clouds had filled the skies and small drops of rain had started falling from the sky. As I made marched my way through the ‘Moscow’ rain I began to have an all too familiar feeling of nostalgia. The very streets I was walking on reminded me of how badly I screwed up. The streets were empty and I had nothing bad my own mistakes staring back at me. Somewhere along the way I had somehow lost my way. But not knowing the reason I lost my way was a greater tragedy. My belief for ‘fending for yourself’ had gotten the best of me. As my arms and legs grew stronger my heart had caved in. I no longer had friends. No purpose. No reason to go back home. No one to point at and say ‘hey you’.

Nothing but regret rained down on me as I made my way. The walls had already come down on me. They say there are lots of ways to change and make a life. All at once. Or one day at a time. It seems that I had failed miserably at both.